Tara Reid. Yeah, I know ... again.

I saw a Twilight Zone once where this guy woke up one day and all the common words in the English language had suddenly changed meanings. ‘Cat’ suddenly meant ‘table’. ‘Bowl’ meant ‘plane’ and so on. And that can be the only possible explanation for Tara Reid telling the New York Post this :

“I am a very smart girl, and people don't realize that … People think I am America's party girl, which is just stupid.”

Lets ignore for a moment the obvious lunacy of Tara ever being considered smart on even the most generous of scales. And its too easy to make fun of her acting, considering her only range seems to be drunk or stoned or drunk and stoned or ’just got hit in the head with a cartoon frying pan‘, and there’s really not that much use for that in Hollywood over the long haul.

Lets just focus on the ‘I'm not a party girl anymore’ part. Well, these pics were taken three days ago (2.5.05) of Braniac leaving the Spyder club in Hollywood. Here’s one on the beach taken January 17. You wanna shed the party girl image sweetie, don’t get drunk and pass out with the bad guy from Fargo. And don’t ever do this. And would it kill you to close your legs, even for a minute. What are they, fukkin spring loaded. I know old habits die hard, but can you just pretend that your not a whore.

What I don’t understand is her appeal. She’s an insufferable bitch, she cant act, her implants are ridiculous and, if you want, go to the Colony in Malibu - where a ton of these Britney pics are taken - hang out at the newsstand for 5 minutes and you’ll see 50 girls better looking than Tara. Not Britney obviously, but other girls. Girls who don’t have to be helped to their car in a drunken stupor at the end of the day, promising to “hook you up” if you can just get her home and hold her hair back, all the while mumbling, “hey, can I buy some pot from you.”

I could go on like this for a while, but, to hell with it. If you want, theres more on my love affair with Tara here.

Oh, and the Tara in the pic up top? Forget about her. She doesn’t exist any more, if she ever even did. You might as well jack off to the Little Mermaid.


click

good times, yo. good times.

I wanted to link these videos because I was trying to explain them to a friend of mine but instead just ended up staring at her tits and prattling on about nothing. He-he, just kidding Ashley. (*note* - I’m not kidding)

People pretty much get their ass whupped in both videos, and I know its cruel to laugh at strangers as they writhe around in insufferable pain, but God should have thought of that before He made it so hilariously funny.

The first video is some reporter at a grape stomping competition. In other news, grape stomping competitions are apparently held. And theyre newsworthy, for some reason. But this is actually a good video to show the kids because the fat girl cheats at the end and continues to stomp the grapes after the time limit. And since our God is a God of vengeance and anger - a God of action - He tosses her fat ass off the stage and face plants her into the ground thirty feet below.

Now, you may ask, “What could possibly go wrong in a contest where someone’s feet are constricted and their legs are pinned in and they’re in a race to oddly shift their weight back and forth with no handrails on a stage barely big enough and comically high off the ground?” And I would agree. Having survived countless sessions of ‘pin the tail on the donkey’ - a game where kids hopped up on sugar are blindfolded and spun around till dizzy, then handed a 9-inch needle to jab violently into the air - I really didn’t see a problem. But based on the way this chick rolls on the ground and barks like a seal for ten minutes, there was one. And it was pretty serious.

- click here for the stage diving hilarity -


The second video is a guy falling off a ladder live on QVC and its brilliantly awesome for a couple of reasons. One, I’m pretty sure this guy is dead, cause he hits the ground like he fell out of a plane. He lands so flat and lays there so still, I’m not sure if he slipped or if someone shot him down. And note that the caller handles the situation with much more skill and speed than any of the hosts who are clearly helpless when presented with a situation where the answers aren’t spoon fed to them by the teleprompter. Don’t all help at once there, guys! The chick says, "he’s moving!" Yeah, well, if he’s on his stomach reaching up with one hand, he's probably asking for help. But you just stand there honey, in that three foot halo of perfect lighting that takes 5 years of your face while your co-worker bleeds to death internally.

- click here for the back breaking humanity -


click

Candice Michelle

Lot of talk lately about the GoDaddy.com girl. "Who is she" and, more to the point, "where can I see her enormous rack"? It's not usually what I post here, but in the spirit of whoreing out to potential traffic, I used my powerful Hollywood connections to put together this gallery of her. If you haven’t seen her Super Bowl commercial yet, go here. I’m not even gonna bother to write one of my brilliantly funny intro’s this time cause I’m pretty sure its gonna be lost on this one.

You can find her home page here. Click on the pics for big.




click