Tara Reid and her implants go shopping

No idea why I'm posting this. Tara Reid shopping. Also pictured : Lindsay Lohan. Not pictured : dignity, chastity and penicillin.



You know what phrase I bet is heard a lot on Tara Reids movie sets. "Hey, where’s my heroin?"

If anyone can tell me how Reid - who is 29 and a millionaire - can look more used up, drugged out and road weary than Jenna Jameson - who is 33 and a professional whore - I'm all ears. And I don’t mean 'professional whore' as some sort of euphemism, I mean she’s an actual whore. If you have 200 dollars and an AIDS test, she will fuck you. For 225, she'll do it in front of her parents.

Here's a high res pic of Jenna. Here's a high res pic of Towelie. I mean Tara. For the moment, lets ignore the fact that Tara's tits are hangin out and she's too stoned to notice. Lets also overlook the fact that her implants are awful and her nipples look like the dial on a safe. Just look at their face, the skin tone, the complexion, the general health of these two. You tell me which one looks like they've been trained a thousand times. Granted, that might not be the best example. Tip for all you debutants on the go : if you look more ragged than a girl who’s been doin porno for 10 years, things have gone wrong. You might wanna pick up some Montana brochures or somethin.


more shopping pics. click for big. if you’re into that sorta thing.








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"O" magazine lands Oprah Winfrey for February cover

(Chicago, IL) – In a landmark publishing coup, ‘O’ magazine has closed a deal that will put talk show host Oprah Winfrey of the cover of its February issue.

"We were very, very lucky to get her on the first 72 covers, but everyone was real nervous about number 73," said senior magazine editor Joyce Haynerd-Barnes-Clarrey. "She can be a bit shy at times and it seems like you have to literally push her into the spotlight."

"She’s such a stunningly beautiful woman; we shutter to think what would happen to sales if she didn’t adorn the cover each and every month."


The news of the upcoming cover traveled fast and had the streets buzzing.

"Oh yeah, this is incredibly exciting," said plumber Thompson Edis. "This new issue should fill the five minutes a day my wife’s not watching Oprahs show or Oprahs cable show or reading Oprahs books or trying to fag me up with some insane psychic ramblings she heard about in the Oprah chat room."


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Jocks 'tough-love program' misconstrued as 'bullying'

(Durham, NC) - Shock and surprise swept through the crowded corridors of Northshore High this week after computer club president Alan Dufurt accused all-state linebacker Clay Carrol of being a bully.

"My dad says I should just ignore him, and that troglodytes like him only pick on people cause they have the brains and social skills of a Borg drone," said Dufurt in a nasally whine during an interview at a local Dairy Queen. "But dad always knows just what to say, that's why he pretty much runs the Renaissance Fair every spring."


Carrol was surprised and disapointed when told of the news.

"Well I'm surprised of course, surprised and disappointed. Over the last four years, I've spent hundreds of hours beatin the shit out of that kid, often on my own time, away from school ... and now this. It almost makes me wonder if it was all worth it. I've tried to shield him from the trappings of popularity so he could focus on his academic pursuits, tried to strip him of his worldly possessions, things like pride and money and his pants, so he could open the gateways of his mind and potentially carve out a better future for all of us."

"Look, its all over for me, I've peaked," Carrol confessed. "I'm captain of the football team, I'm bangin the head cheerleader, I got a tricked out red Camaro and I just signed on for a full ride at LSU. It's all downhill from here, but there's still hope for Alan, which is why I've beaten him senseless so many, many times."


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70% of all rape stories now begin with, "I was on vacation in Mexico..."

(San Diego, CA) - New figures from the US Violent Crime Bureau reveal this week that two-thirds of all rapes take place while sorority girls from Southern California, Arizona and Texas are on spring break.

The combination of drunken girls, deviant guys and a bountiful supply of date rape drugs have come together to form a forced penetration powder-keg.

Since Mexico has no laws or capable government and the citizens are filthy sexual predators, the figures may only increase.


When asked what precautions could be taken, a government spokesman said, "Our approach to this is the same as all our views on Mexico, which is, just stay the hell out."


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