Fat, ugly girl passes out at fraternity party. Things work out fine.

(Baton Rouge, LA) - Tragedy did not take place over the weekend at a Theta Xi - Phi Mu mixer when unattractive sophomore Beverly Hendricks blacked out after drinking an estimated 13 Smirnoff Ice.



"Yeah, we found her in one of the rooms, about 2:30, dead to the world, flat on her fat fuckin face," said Theta Xi president Michael Clooney. "We were gonna mess with her, you know, we thought about it, but none of us could really get into it. Someone asked me why we didn't rape her, and its weird cause ordinarily we would have, but ... its just, this is a big girl, maybe a deuce and a half, and havin sex with her just never even crossed my mind. It just woulda been more trouble than it was worth."

"Tommy (Hatchcox) was gonna take a dump on her, but he couldn't get one out and, in hindsight, I guess it woulda been a little mean. She actually just left a little while ago. Her dorm is right across the street."

did he just ...

generally speaking, Europe can kiss my ass. But then, they’re the only ones who would ever air a commercial like this, and I guess there is something to be said for that.

As much as I like Europe's ad's, like this one for Ford and this one for ... I don’t know, turning gay, maybe, not to mention their very reasonable shipping costs on Chechnyan prostitutes, if you live there you have to deal with socialism constantly and genocide more often than you might think. And then you have to work up all that energy to be obsessed with everything the United States does and bitch about it, so I think I'll pass, thanks.

Aaron Carter cheats death. Nobody likes a cheater, Aaron.

I’m a little slow on this one, and its not really what I do here, but :

"Carter, 17, was driving his 2004 Cadillac Escalade north to Orlando at about 12:30 a.m. when a mattress came loose from the cargo bed of a delivery truck in front of him.

Carter drove over the mattress, which got stuck under the sport utility vehicle. The singer pulled over and escaped the vehicle, then watched it explode in flames"

I’m less surprised that Carter did something this dumb, and more surprised that Escalades cant seem to drive over a mattress without exploding. Mattresses are still made out of fabric and springs, right? And feathers? There aren’t extra-fancy ones for pop stars made from sharks teeth and gunpowder, right? Well then how did ... guh ... you know what, just forget it. Better luck next time, mattress truck driver guy.


(to hate your life and question Gods plan, click here and then here)

WNBA threatens strike; bored indifference sweeps the nation

(Chicago, IL) - ESPN is reporting that the players union for the WNBA will recommend a work stoppage if the existing revenue sharing agreement between the owners and the players is not renegotiated. News of the impending strike came down on the sports world like an uninterested hammer.

Fans everywhere were under whelmed, brimming with politely curious questions when told about the fragile status of the league. "Who's that?" "Who are they?" and "Girls? Really? Girls?" were just some of the comments overheard outside the league office.



Sports talk radio from coast to coast was flooded with callers, obviously overcome with grief, who distracted themselves with thoughts on the NFL playoffs and the MLB hot-stove.

"Don't get me wrong," said one caller when absolutely forced to come up with a comment, "I think its cute when girls try to do stuff, I just think they should stick to games their good at, like jump-rope or Foxy-Boxing. Or maybe the league could have a Bra-and-Panties match like the one I saw on Smackdown!"

chopping block

not usually the kinda stuff I post here, but the cartoon Chopping Block is just too damn funny, and it doesn’t seem to get much notice. And I figure they could use the half-dozen stragglers who accidentally click here every month. You can find the home page here.