Thursday, February 03, 2005

sort of an update...

I haven’t updated in a few days here. I’ve been pretty busy. I won’t go into details, but I’ll give you some advice : don’t ever get a supermodel pregnant, cause they wont ever let you hear the end of it. Trust me. Even if you’ve moved on. Even if you’re trying to have dinner with a new supermodel, the first supermodel wont think anything of charging into the restaurant and causing a big scene. Even yelling, “is this any way to act … in front of our baby!” and then pulling up their shirt. Even though they don’t look pregnant yet. Cause its only been a few hours.

Trust me on this.

Anyway, I did watch a bunch of Japanese horror movies the other day, so here’s whatever you wanna call that :

Japanese people must be terrified of little kids with wet hair. Cause that’s what all their horror movies seem to be about these days. I just sat through Ringu 1 and 2 and the Grudge. I probably should have said that first. I’m unapologetically jingoistic, but god-damn the rest of the world is weird. What kind of pussy country chooses a damp little girl for the killer in their slasher pics. Out of all the serial killers in movies, I think I’ll take my chances against the unarmed 10 year old, thanks. Waterey tarts distributing swords is no basis for a system of government. Wait … scratch that last one. (does anyone even get that joke? or am I dating myself)

My dad never gave me a lot of advice when I was a kid, but he would smack me in the back of the head if I did something stupid. Which is kind of like advice. Anyway, one thing he did say was, "the chinks are nuts". He meant the Chinese, but I’ll go ahead and lump the Japanese in there too. Cause the Asians love it when you lump them all together like that. But after watching this little film fest, his comment seems to have some merit, cause they make some pretty weird movies. At least when they’re not slaughtering dolphins and masturbating to violent porn, which apparently takes more time than you might think. And then there’s this... (wildly NSFW).

It’s almost embarrassing that I used to have a crush on Sarah Michelle Gellar. It’s even more embarrassing that I used to go through her garbage. And these tats I have of her on my back, chest and penis don’t seem like such a good idea any more either. Too bad that smart ass judge with the god complex had to break us up right as we were getting close. Right as I was getting close. Oooohh, yeah, we get it Your Honor, you’re a big man aren’t you. You’re not the only one who can make someone wear a GPS anklet. Well, maybe you are, but you get my point.

Ahhh, young love.

So, in summation, these movies are weird. And my phone bill is scarier than 'the Grudge'. And also - even though she wasn’t in the ones I watched - I would kill this entire town to fukk Naomi Watts. And I actually like this town.

(told you that pic was relevant. In screenplay writing, this is what we call coming full circle. And yeah, I got Sarahs entire name tatted … you know … down there. 19 letters. with spaces. Call me ladies!)



Blogger BeckyBumbleFuck said...

Well, you're obnoxious and funny.

11:56 PM  
Blogger Kat said...

I agree.

How does one get on that game show???
*gets pen & paper*

5:18 PM  
Blogger Kat said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

5:19 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well you can't expect to wield supreme executive power
just 'cause some watery tart threw a sword at you!

7:03 PM  

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