Tuesday, February 08, 2005

good times, yo. good times.

I wanted to link these videos because I was trying to explain them to a friend of mine but instead just ended up staring at her tits and prattling on about nothing. He-he, just kidding Ashley. (*note* - I’m not kidding)

People pretty much get their ass whupped in both videos, and I know its cruel to laugh at strangers as they writhe around in insufferable pain, but God should have thought of that before He made it so hilariously funny.

The first video is some reporter at a grape stomping competition. In other news, grape stomping competitions are apparently held. And theyre newsworthy, for some reason. But this is actually a good video to show the kids because the fat girl cheats at the end and continues to stomp the grapes after the time limit. And since our God is a God of vengeance and anger - a God of action - He tosses her fat ass off the stage and face plants her into the ground thirty feet below.

Now, you may ask, “What could possibly go wrong in a contest where someone’s feet are constricted and their legs are pinned in and they’re in a race to oddly shift their weight back and forth with no handrails on a stage barely big enough and comically high off the ground?” And I would agree. Having survived countless sessions of ‘pin the tail on the donkey’ - a game where kids hopped up on sugar are blindfolded and spun around till dizzy, then handed a 9-inch needle to jab violently into the air - I really didn’t see a problem. But based on the way this chick rolls on the ground and barks like a seal for ten minutes, there was one. And it was pretty serious.

- click here for the stage diving hilarity -

The second video is a guy falling off a ladder live on QVC and its brilliantly awesome for a couple of reasons. One, I’m pretty sure this guy is dead, cause he hits the ground like he fell out of a plane. He lands so flat and lays there so still, I’m not sure if he slipped or if someone shot him down. And note that the caller handles the situation with much more skill and speed than any of the hosts who are clearly helpless when presented with a situation where the answers aren’t spoon fed to them by the teleprompter. Don’t all help at once there, guys! The chick says, "he’s moving!" Yeah, well, if he’s on his stomach reaching up with one hand, he's probably asking for help. But you just stand there honey, in that three foot halo of perfect lighting that takes 5 years of your face while your co-worker bleeds to death internally.

- click here for the back breaking humanity -



Anonymous Anonymous said...

I knew you were starin at my tits! LOL!

the vids were great, you were right!


9:57 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

holy shit, I hadnt seen these in a while. I forgot how funny that stage one is! Great stuff!

7:57 PM  

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