Thursday, February 03, 2005

Eva Longoria

I’m usually too busy at my fight clubs to answer email, but if you write me and label it “Eva Longoria masturbates a lot”, I promise you, I will open it. So thanks to Nick for sending me these:

"N Sync star JC Chavez is obviously failing to satisfy his girlfriend, actress Eva Longoria, in the bedroom - she has confessed her best sex of the past year came courtesy of her vibrator.

She adds, 'I didn't begin enjoying sex until I started masturbating... It's a shame I didn't discover it sooner... Everybody should do it.'"

Wow. Did you guys catch that. That sly boots didn’t mention me by name, but it's pretty clear she wants me. What’s also pretty clear is that if you’re a girl dating a guy in a boy band, you better get ready to masturbate a lot. Cause apparently even the straight ones are fags.

I’m joking of course. None of them are straight.

Anyway, in honor of my first reader submitted story, I used my powerful Hollywood connections to put together this super high res gallery of Eva Longoria. There were a lot more here at one point, but that’s because the first half dozen I cut were apparently Eva Mendes. And as dumb as that sounds, I don’t even blame myself. Its impossible to tell Latin chicks apart. 15 or 50, they all look 27, they got that big rack, big ass, long hair and makeup like they just stepped off the set of ‘Mucho del Gante’ (*).

Anyway, dig in. some real nice pics here. click for big.

(*) I don’t speak Spanish so I have no idea if ‘mucho del gante’ actually means anything. its just fun to say. try it. 'mucho del gante.' wasnt that great.
And now that I think about it, I’m not sure how old these articles are cause I heard Eva was banging Tony Parker these days. by the way, I hope you're leaning in close, cause the small font means I’m whispering.



Anonymous Anonymous said...

that mucho del gante joke is from adam carolla

11:38 PM  

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