Sunday, January 09, 2005

South Carolina enters war on terror; local 'Muslim' arrested; "He gotta be guilty'a somethin," say police

(Charleston SC) - Local police entered the nations 'War On Terror' Sunday when they learned of and promptly arrested local man Khallil Mussa Stanna-somethin-somethin. Police assume the likely terrorist has been scheming and plotting the demise of America since first arriving here in 1977.

"Hug you little'ns tonight folks, hug em tight" said police chief J. Maynard Thomas. "Cause we got ourselves us a terrorist, just like the ones on the TV. And he all wiley lookin too, brown and shifty eyed, like a wolf ... a dirty wolf ... with a beard ... and glasses ... a muddy wolf with glasses and a beard, that’s what we got."



Mr. Mussa Stanna-somethin-somethin has been living in South Carolina for almost 25 years, first as a scholarship student at USC, where he received his doctrine in chemical engineering. The assumed mad-mans reign of terror continued as he got a position at Dow Chemical, where he secretly worked under a secret veil of secrecy until 1994, when he took a job at the Mercedes-Benz plant in Spartanburg.

The diabolical Mussa Stanna has no criminal record or history of radical ties, a background that Chief Thomas was quick to explain. "That's to trick ya. That's what they do. This Mustaffa (*) fella been here 40 years, plottin, creepin, waitin to strangle the old people and eat our young'n's."

And although Mr. Mussa Stanna-somethin-somethin has denied all charges, the evidence in his cell seems damning. The accused has been seen dressed in traditional Muslim garb, with a copy of the Koran and a traditional rug used for kneeling and prayer to his evil anti-American god.

"These aren't my clothes, they dressed me like this," Mussa claimed, "and this isn't my copy of the Koran ... its not even the Koran, its a TV Guide, and someone wrote 'the Koran' on the cover with a sharpie. And I'm not Muslim, I've been a deacon at the First Methodist Church for ten years," Mussa went on to probably lie.

"That's to trick ya," Chief Thomas nobly insisted, "that's what they do."

( * - editors note : ‘Mustaffa’ is Simbas dad from the 'Lion King'. we at 'the santas little helper' believe that Chief Thomas meant Mr. Mussa-Stanna and not the cartoon lion )