Saturday, January 08, 2005

Guy in bar much smarter than Ty Willingham

(South Bend, IN) - In what could be a make or break year for Notre Dame head football coach Ty Willingham, local man Darrel Drums has turned up the heat with a mumbled and poorly thought out plan for winning football.

"I tell you the god-dammed problem, god-dammed guy aint got no balls, he need to better, call better plays ... where they score! I remember ... the other guy ... you look like him ... he was ... ya know, not all this faggot runnin left and right and backwards and turnin the ball to the other. Touchdowns ... is the problem. Not me, though, not when me, you wait ... I'll show you fuckers. Kiss MY ass ... is what you can do."

As of press-time, Coach Willingham, who has played or coached football everyday for the past 45 years, had not yet released a comment to address Drums biting critique.

Strangely, Drums, who has been a sales rep at Blue Bunny ice cream for almost a year, has not been contacted by Notre Dame Athletic Director Thomas Wingate. "Even though Mr. Drums has a clear and commanding knowledge of the myriad problems facing the Irish football program, we have no plans at this time of stealing him away from Blue Bunny and replacing Coach Willingham."

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