Friday, December 31, 2004

Local man witnesses mother and young black boyfriend in adult novelty store; man kills self; friends and family totally understand

(Springfield, MA) - A chance encounter resulted in the suicide of local man James Barnes this past Monday when he happened upon his mother and her new lover as they left the 'Glad-He-Ate-Her', a store dedicated to adult videos and products.

Barnes apparently rocketed through the first four steps of grief as he was instantly overwhelmed with anger, depression, fear and hopelessness. After a quick and mostly incoherent call to his home, Barnes drove off the Springfield Bridge.

"What we can ascertain from the phone call," said Springfield Chief of Police Scott Poignot, "is that Ms. Pamela Barnes (the mother of James Barnes) and her new boyfriend, who goes by the name Filthy D, left the store hand in hand, and Mr. Filthy climbed behind the wheel of a black BMW M3 convertible, a car that is still registered to Mr. Harrison Barnes, the late husband of Ms. Barnes and father of James Barnes. Harrison Barnes passed away two weeks ago after a three year battle with cancer."

Mental health experts agree that James Barnes did the right thing.

"Yeah, it's probably for the best," said clinical psychologist Drew Pinsky. "The mind can only handle so much atrocity before complete collapse, and the images that had to be in his mind must have been just horrific, and they would have lasted forever, no amount of therapy would have purged that, so ... he's in a better place now, no matter what the afterlife holds in store for him."


Blogger invitationinside said...

what is this?! its ridiculous but hilarious

10:49 AM  

Post a Comment

<< Home