Friday, December 31, 2004

Home Depot now open 24-hours; “I’m fuckin terrified”, says source

(Marina Del Rey, CA) - Police and local lawmakers found themselves in a quandary recently when the home improvement giant changed its hours of operation. Now open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, customers are free to shop for what they need, when they need it - which is where the problem begins.

"Look man, no ones buying garden knomes and Ralph Lauren paint at two in the morning on a Friday, okay,” said one overnight clerk who wished to remain anonymous. “It's psychos in hip boots and goggles, franticly searchin for shovels and quicklime."

"People only go shopping in the middle of the night if it’s an emergency, and what kind of emergency needs steel drums and cement mix. What kind of problems do these people have that a chainsaw, a porcelain tub and acid can fix," said the stout blond teen.

"It’s bad enough during the day when we got these (Arab-Americans) buyin electric timers, blasting caps and PVC pipe," the pock-marked source continued. "Gee, I wonder what the (Arab-Americans) are doin with that?"

"I’m scared for my fuckin life here, these people see me, they know I see them, I got my fuckin name on my shirt, I'm a witness, fuck, maybe even an accessory," said the source, whose nametag says ‘Scott’.

"And my manager wonders why I'm always stoned; it’s the only thing that calms my shattered fuckin nerves."

7 Comments:

Blogger Brendon Donnelly said...

umm, its me. I just got tired of seeing that condesending " 0 " next to the comment counter.

god Im pathetic

1:10 AM  
Blogger invitationinside said...

i hate the condescending 0!!! how do you find blogs on this thing!

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

i think i'm in love with you

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

WHOA! This is an eye opening story! No more having to plan these things out ... do you think they are open on holidays when I'm forced to be around family alot?

6:44 AM  
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